Doing the things that bring you joy is also a way that you can be gentle with yourself.
That thought came to me this morning, in a quiet moment of reflection, and everything else followed. Because I still feel like in this season of life, I’m being called to practice gentleness in my daily life — not only for me, but for others too.
The way that we return home to ourselves — spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically — is by learning how to be compassionate, nurturing, loving, and tender, not just to those around us, but to ourselves.
When We Abandon Ourselves
We often make sure others are taken care of — their needs and their wants. But when it’s time for us to do the same for ourselves, we freeze. Or we abandon ourselves altogether.
How can we support ourselves and show up as the best version of who we are, and of whom we’ve been created to be, if we neglect nurturing and loving ourselves authentically?
Part of the answer lives in how we were raised. We’ve come up in a society where we’ve been conditioned to think that if we have even an iota of a thought to tend to our own needs before giving to others, we are selfish, unkind, disrespectful, and have no regard for others.
This is so not the case.
We have to learn how to let go of that thinking in order to ensure that our wants, our needs, and our joy matter as well.
We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup — and yet it’s true. We have to learn how to reserve our energy, so that we can give to ourselves. This isn’t out of spite. This isn’t intentional neglect or abandonment of others. This is for the sustainment of our livelihood — so that we can support ourselves and thrive.
Our nourishment matters just as much as anyone else’s. And when we don’t show up for ourselves the way we show up for others, it can cause us to become resentful, to feel undervalued and unappreciated by those we give our all to. It leaves us depleted. It puts us in a space of grief, and in a feeling that we have lost ourselves.
What Gentleness Means to Me
One of the other lessons I’m learning in this season is that gentleness is the greatest form of self-love that we can give ourselves. It allows us to be compassionate with our experiences and to navigate the range of emotions that come along with them.
Gentleness doesn’t have to mean softness — and in my opinion, it’s not the same thing. A gentle touch versus being gentle with yourself isn’t the same. Being gentle, to me, means that you are so enveloped in the authentic care that you give yourself. You are getting to know and build a relationship with yourself where the foundation is built on love, care, kindness, nurturing, and nourishing — for the embodiment of who you are.
The things that you enjoy. The pleasure that you have, seek, and savor. The care that you are taking with your body, your mind, and your spirit.
This is that gentleness means to me. If you’re new to this practice, I’ve shared more about what gentleness can look like in everyday life here.
The Herbs That Are Teaching Me
When it comes to learning how to be gentle, nurturing, compassionate, and loving to ourselves, there are herbs I’m learning and working with that are helping me through these lessons. I know for a fact that these herbs have been calling to me so that I can learn from them.
Violet and rose are the two I keep returning to. Violet has been teaching me tenderness — how to receive care without earning it first. Rose has been teaching me about opening the heart while still honoring my boundaries. I’ve shared more about their medicine here.
But there’s one more I’m being called to sit with in this season: calendula.
Calendula is allowing me to learn the lesson of finding the joy and the brighter side of my experiences — and allowing the space for them to be what they are, in the most healing and beautiful way possible.
There’s so much radiance in life when we “give in” to the lessons and the healing we’re meant to experience in our season of life, instead of trying to snuff it all out and deal with it in ways that make us feel guilty or ashamed.
That’s what joy has to do with gentleness. Choosing the things that light you up isn’t frivolous. It isn’t selfish. It’s one of the truest ways you can tend to yourself.
A Prayer for You in This Season
As you learn how to embrace yourself in this new season of life, my prayer for you is that you learn how to navigate it with just as much love, compassion, tenderness, and nurturing as you give others — because you need and deserve it too.
Returning Home, Gently
If you’re being called to practice gentleness in your own life, the Be Gentle Collection was created as an invitation to create moments of intentional care — small-batch herbal preparations made to help you tend the body, honor the spirit, and return home to yourself.
